I watched it yesterday, thought about it for 24 hours and decided i really need to write something down for future analysis.

The movie started beautifully, showing us two horses - mother and son running and playing. And then we discovered that they have a stalker. The Boy (probably 26 year old) was beyond creepy and I knew he wasn’t a pervert only because I had read the synopsis.

Luckily the Boy’s Alcoholic Father also shared his unhealthy passion for the same horse and bought it, spending the money they needed  to pay to their very nice and totally sympathetic landlord played by David Thewlis. Creators tried really hard to make him look evil but in reality he had a patience of a saint allowing them to keep their farm, even though they doubtfully paid him regularly or on time ever.

I didn’t really care for this family, except may be the Mother reminded me of our tough Russian women, though she doesn’t swear remotely enough.

The Boy immediately called the dibs on the Horse. Of course after all the training and bonding some shit happened and the Alcoholic Father had to sell the Horse to a soldier, going to war. 

I felt a major sense of relief  from the Horse when it finally got itself a proper master. Who wouldn’t be happy  to have Tom Hiddleston on top of them?  Ok, may be me, ‘cause I was totally envious of another horse. As soon as I saw that gorgeous stallion, I knew whom it must belong to…… That sounded dubious…  BUT … Blond Benedict Cumberbatch with mustache on a Zorro horse that’s a nice combination! (in a long list of nice combinations involving Benedict)

(or Ben and Tom combinations for that matter) 

 Of course the two horses (the Horse and the Black one) soon grew to be very fond of each other, representing in my head their current masters.

All good came to an end in 10 minutes of screen time. Both soldiers were killed and horses captured by Germans, who weren’t yet fascists, that’s why they had good characters on their side. One of them was a clone of the Boy with the same retarded face, but a little less creepy, he took care of the horses and even delivered them to France before dying a violent death.

I really liked the part about French grandpa and granddaughter, though I suspected that they won’t escape the curse of the Horse. My money was on German soldiers raping the girl to death, ‘cause I read George Martin and know stuff now, but alas we saw nothing of that.

After the horses were once again taken by Germans there were some horrid scenes of horse torture and slavery, proving that they were not far from fascist after all. Only a cold hearted bastards wouldn’t cry over a dying horse, so when Cumberbatch’ horse, the Black one, fell and died I did my part, yet felt a bit cheated with this cheap trick. And of course there was another great scene in which the Horse escaped from Germans and then got trapped with a barbwire on the battlefield between 2 armies, it was cruel and heartbreaking and lead to a wonderful rescue scene with Garsiv from Prince of Persia  - Toby Kebbell (whom I kinda love after Charlie Brooker’s Black mirror). After that a complete snooze fest began with men and women blowing their noses around me in the movie theater, Boy being blind and still recognizing his horse, French grandfather outbidding him at the auction and granddaughter being very conveniently dead and them returning home and leaving happily ever after. Shallow, predictable, unrealistic, typically Spielberg movie but with it’s moments, mostly thanks to really strong supporting actors and really beautiful animals. And I will be seriously disappointed if at Oscars THIS gets anything over The Artist , which was a proper brilliant film.